Quaranti[m]e 2020

As if 2020 hadn’t already gotten off to a twisted start with deaths, natural disasters, high school shootings and much more; planet Earth has now been plagued by Coronavirus which has sent all nations into lockdown and panic in a way that humanity has not experienced before. Besides the actual virus itself, the umbrella of problems that has unraveled as a result has completely alarmed us all and even though things seem to be starting to settle down slightly, it looks like it will be a while before we return to the world as we knew it. Or maybe we won’t ever and this is all the process of the birth of a new normal.

Of course, I’ve thought of about 100 different things to write about every single day since this has unfolded(as if my mind wasn’t already brimming with a million thoughts a minute). But I decided to take my time before I purged all my thoughts, as I wasn’t sure of what I even felt to begin with.

I’ve been unemployed and living back at home since December, so my life has pretty much been ‘locked down’ since then, way before any threat of a virus. I’ve never been able to define whether I’m an introvert or an extrovert. My personality has always been that of an extrovert however, I also weirdly am someone that can be the total opposite when I choose to be. I can spend weeks and even months within my four walls, except for stepping out for a walk, a drive or to run an errand. The point at which people feel the urge after a while, to let themselves out and dress up, socialize or party is the point that I oddly don’t get to. I am a creature of habit and the habits are entirely self-imposed which make them very easy to prolong, hence why I’ve happily been living the demure lockdown lifestyle way before it was enforced.

Despite that, even I have been stirred quite a bit by the way the world has toppled on its head lately. So, just like everyone out there writing or talking about the lessons being learnt from this pandemic, I’m finally ready with my mile long list of (some of ) what’s been on my mind.

1. Some of the major positives

• We’re spending more time at home and with our families.
• We’re taking less flights and commuting less which is saving the Earth from so much carbon emission and pollution.
• We’re being resourceful and really assessing our daily movements and activities.
• We’re buying and living more local.
• We’re being creative with time, hobbies and our choices as consumers.
• We’re thinking ahead.
• We’re connecting to each other more.
• We’re being forced to observe and savour the little things.
• We’re being forced to confront and examine ourselves and our lives.
• We’re being made to question what our lives are; outside of our professions, social lives, gyms and favorite weekend spots.
• We’re starting to (finally) consider other life on our planet.
• We’re remembering to be more hygienic (as an extreme germaphobe, nothing could make me happier).
• Animals and other life seem to be resurfacing because we’ve finally been forced to retreat for a while.
• We’re leaving our planet alone for the first time in about a century and it’s done it a world of good within a very short space of time.

Some of the negatives (aka the things I lose sleep over)

• We’re losing people.
• We’re creating other crises out of our responses to this current crisis — the healthcare system is being crushed, crime and domestic violence are on the rise, we’re wasting and overusing water, toilet roll, plastic from hand sanitiser bottles and bags, masks, etc etc etc etc. (don’t think this list has an end).
• We’re going to have to dispose waste from all of the above somehow (I just keep seeing a harrowing image in my head; of thousands of landfills all over the world, bursting at the seams with mountains of waste piled high.)
• We’re being selfish and judgmental (as if the world needed any more of this).
• We’re losing jobs.
• Our economy is crashing (like it wasn’t doing badly enough already).
• Poor/homeless/sick and already vulnerable people are having to suffer even more (as if life wasn’t unfair enough to them already).
• We’re having to sideline other health conditions and treatments that are then piling up and causing further problems.

2. I struggle to decide whether this crisis has given rise to more positives or negatives. I am constantly bouncing from feeling joy and relief at all the good this has done for us and the Earth to feeling overwhelmed and miserable at the death and damage that it’s wreaking.

3. The feeling of overwhelm about everything is all too real. Some days, I feel like I’m drowning with worry about the planet, where we are at, where we are headed and how we will move forward.

4.‘This too shall pass’ has taken on a new significance. We are all reminded of how transient life is and how resilient all life, the planet and people are. We didn’t get to where we are today without overcoming all kinds of unimaginable disaster and upheaval.

5.‘Man makes plans…and God laughs.’ You don’t have to believe in God to recognize this. Life is unpredictable as hell. While we’re forging ahead in our individual existence making plans, setting goals and worrying about our jobs and relationships, there can be no clearer evidence of the truth that we are all the tiniest speck of a much larger picture and in the grand scheme of everything.

6. Therefore, sometimes all we have left to do is surrender. We cannot and do not control everything as much as we’d like to think otherwise. This crisis has shown that most of us don’t control even our own livelihoods, despite that being the aspect that dictates our lives and that we give most priority to. We have to assess what we have left, once we’ve relinquished control and what’s been the norm for us so far.

7. In light of that reality, it’s become very apparent to me that all we have to keep us going are the daily small things. All we have is the present day and what we do in it. This is comprised of our habits, routines and the daily practices we abide by that give us joy. Look at us now. What do we have, now that our jobs and social lives, our external pleasures and distractions and the option of getting on a plane have been taken away? We’re left with what we can do within ourselves and with our loved ones in our own limited spaces with what’s available to us. In short, we have to go inward and find a universe within, because the universe outside is beyond our control and promises nothing. We are our own best resource and our best project.

8. The daily inner work you do is to protect yourself from the downside of life. I’ve struggled with mental health a lot over the years and in the past, even when all the general conditions of my life were fine, it was a challenge for me to function well. In this last year that I’ve been working hard on myself and growing, I’ve filled my life with a few goals, passions and daily habits that have made my days worth waking up to. So for me, 2020 was supposed to be the year I no longer hold back and achieve personal targets I’d set for myself that have been neglected for a long time. A lot of that revolved around landing the kind of job I desired, building confidence in my career and making the most of my time in Dubai after years of living away. Needless to say, each of those have now been massively thrown off. I have no job, no idea when I’ll land one, am nowhere near where I want to be and things are far from ideal in my life. However because of my commitment to my inner work, I have noticed that I’m still able to keep pushing forward in hope, excitement and optimism for the future. For the first time, when life as a whole is much more of a mess than it’s ever been, I’m able to cope better than I ever have. I’m learning that the work you that do on yourself is not so that you can live a problem free life, but so that you are able to experience problems differently when they occur.

9. Feeling inadequate and helpless about how I can help or be of use is another constant. While I am proud of myself for being focused on my growth, sometimes it can feel self-indulgent and selfish. I’ve decided to exchange that notion for instead believing that the best way I can be of value is by bettering myself. You cannot offer what you don’t have in the first place. So as much as I’d like to be a force for change, it is not wrong to acknowledge that I’m not there yet. Working on becoming a better version of myself will ultimately lead me there and so I need not feel guilty about putting my energies into that.

10. Still, doing your bit is vital. In the past 2 months, I can’t count the number of times I’ve walked past masks and gloves strewn across the street. It infuriates me each time and whenever I’ve had hand sanitiser or wipes on me to clean up after, I’ve made it a point to pick them up and dispose them in bins that are literally a few feet away. Obviously, I’m not claiming to save any lives there but my point is that every little bit as small as that, that we all individually do in every area adds up and can move the needle in the right direction. So, we must do atleast that.

11. That could include praying for the world. If you’re not religious or spiritual, you can disregard this. But if you are, like me; this time has taught me to not just pray for myself and my loved ones. The world needs your prayers. There’s too much wrong doing, fear, danger and outright stupidity going around for us to be worried only about the small picture of our own lives. Moreover, prayer helps me maintain hope through the overwhelm and helplessness.

12. Health isn’t just what matters most; on many levels, it is all that matters. No matter what we’re all currently struggling through, nothing is as grave as our health being compromised. The second your health is under threat; whether it’s from an injury, accident, illness or disease, all other problems pale in comparison.

13. How long will the positive impacts of this quarantine last? So many changes that have taken place on numerous levels during this time have been welcome and much needed. I personally had forgotten that the night sky is actually NOT naturally grey in color nor have I seen as many stars in the sky in for as long as I can remember. I’ve never had the opportunity to notice as many birds or stray cats appear in my garden or to even hear them as much I have lately. I’d never appreciated what a luxury it is to be able to even say that I have a garden at home. I’d never realised what it meant to not be able to assume that I can run to the store the second I run out of toothpaste or sanitary napkins. I’d forgotten to be grateful for being one of the fortunate few in the world, that can afford to not worry about their next meal or a roof over their heads. Once quarantine ends, will we revert to our old ways, or will we finally wake up as an entire race, decide to turn the page and do things differently this time round, now that we know better?

14. How common are pandemics going to be in our future? Bill Gates predicted that exactly this was in store for us, back in 2015 in a TED talk. If you watch the movie Contagion made in 2011, it basically is a premonition of what we are seeing happen now. Maybe it’s time we start believing some of the experts that are warning us of some things that might happen in the world if we don’t get our act together.

15. The internet is a vortex. Most of us were addicted to it to begin with. Now with the increased time on our hands, boredom, procrastination and the desire to stay informed; it’s sucking us all in, deeper and faster. Be conscious of what and how much you consume and circulate.

16. The internet is also phenomenal. It’s been THE medium that’s enabled us to stay connected, keep education going, continue our jobs and be aware of the happenings of the world, to name a few. How the hell would we be surviving this if we didn’t have it? I’m filled with a new found appreciation for the internet, followed by immediate paranoia of what we would do if one day the World Wide Web were to crash. Is that the next version of ‘pandemic’ come 2030? JUST KIDDING. I HOPE NOT.

17. The media is temperamental. When Italy was where the virus was spreading most rampantly, it was all I heard about and saw on every platform. Now only 2 months later, I haven’t come across a single mention of the country in any headlines. Just before the chaos of the virus broke out in March, the case of an abducted and murdered 6 year old girl in my home state of Kerala in India was constantly being splashed all over the news. However, immediately since the virus took over our lives and our consciousness, there’s been not a mention of what had happened to her since. I can think of so many such examples. Worryingly, scandal and sensationalism seem to be the criteria for what deserves public attention.

18. Our phones and laptops literally contain our entire lives. Another disturbing realisation I’m having is how reliant we are on our devices. My day practically starts and ends with them as they are the portals to my work, my side projects, my connections and even most of my hobbies. Besides highlighting the need for human connection, this time has also brought to light how much easier it is to not connect, because we now live in a world in which these gadgets have become the source of everything to us. Life is bearable as long as I have a working phone and WiFi. I’ve noticed how appalling my attention span and concentration power are and have been embarrassed at my own lack of awareness at how quickly I switch from laptop to phone and shuffle between Google, YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn and WhatsApp (among several other apps) throughout the day. It’s also been dawning on me that almost every second profession in the current world that comes to my mind involves a desk and a device to some extent. What does that say about where we are headed in our mental and physical health?

19. Every profession has a valuable role to play and it’s time we stop undervaluing many. Where would we be without our healthcare professionals (and I’m not just referring to doctors and nurses), delivery people, call center employees, farmers, garbage collectors, sewage workers, cleaners, grocery store staff, scientists, researchers, journalists and news reporters? I’d be hard pressed to deny that their work deserves far more acknowledgement, remuneration and respect than most others’. Thankless jobs need to start getting a lot more than just the long overdue thanks.

20. ‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.’ Your problems are what millions around the world would trade their lives for. Same token, while this quarantine is a time for rest, connection, personal growth and skill building for many of us, for many others it is a time that has rendered them jobless, homeless and fighting for survival. I saw a Twitter post the other day of someone saying that it’s as if the world has come to a standstill as if it knew she needed the time to stop and catch her breath. People were bashing her for making such a stupid navel gazing declaration. It definitely was tone deaf, however it’s best to accept that this quarantine has served or harmed every person differently. That’s something to understand, empathise with and not be resentful about.

21. There’s a solidarity and strength in knowing that for the first time ever, the entire world is experiencing the same thing at the same time. I don’t know if this has ever happened before. Whether you believe that the pandemic is real or think it’s all a conspiracy; for the first time we are all facing a collective disruption of our lives as we have known it and it has united us.

22. It’s the first time not one of us needs to feel FOMO. Fear of missing out and comparison are exhausting and disheartening and we all put ourselves through it. For the first time, none of us are behind or missing out on a thing. No one out there is doing things or going places that you can’t. We have all been humbled down to being in the same boat and I doubt there will ever come a time like this again.

23. You always want what you can’t have, so don’t wait to stop having. I’d been saying since January that I need to join the gym which is about 10 mins from where I live. I never felt an urgency for it and had a million reasons to justify holding off. 2 months into lockdown and I’ve rung my gym 3 times to find out when they’ll re-open, aching to re-enroll. For months, I’d been putting off seeing my doctor regarding certain on going health concerns. About 3 weeks into lockdown, I booked an appointment that I then could only have via phone call. And here I am now, having asked about 5 times when I can next have an ‘in person’ appointment. We are so dangerously wired to only notice something when we don’t have it, that it almost always takes for it to be taken away from us, to immediately want it in the first place.

24. We are not as open minded as we think. There’s been a vitriolic tone to a lot of the discussions about the current world. I’ve experienced this myself — feeling indignant and incredulous at people I personally know that deny that there even is a virus or are not caring for social distancing rules. It’s made me check my own level of tolerance and openness and realise that I need to do better there.

25. Humankind is sustained by hope. Where there is hope, there is belief that things will get better, there is will to keep pushing forward and there is strength to face all adversity. Where there is no hope, there is nothing else. We’ve all heard ‘One can only hope.’ And to that I’d like to add that one must, because that’s what it all starts and ends with.

26. I’m not ready to go back. As someone that worries for the future of the planet and climate change every waking day, I’ll risk admitting that I don’t feel over the moon about the lockdown beginning to end. I’ve loved not hearing cars out in the distance, reading news about the return of different species in cities, knowing that the world has slowed down together and that we’re all being careful and mindful about our daily life choices. And sadly, I don’t have too much faith in humanity to say we’ll continue keeping this up once restrictions are lifted.

Eventually, I suppose time will tell — whether Covid 19 in 2020 was the jolt that the whole planet needed to reset and regroup so it could come back better and stronger, or if it’s just an episode in our lives that will go down in history, to relay to our kids as something we lived through. I truly hope that the former is the case, but I haven’t got a clue. Here’s hoping for the best.